I'm disgusted. What passes for humor on the funny pages of the newspaper is appalling. There's been a big to-do in our local paper about replacing FOXTROT, which the guy isn't writing except on Sunday. So there's been some tryouts for something to put in its slot. Frankly, they could just make the whole page a big blow up of the Junior Jumble for my tastes. When did the daily funnies become so completely stupid? First of all, it's time for Mary Worth to die. Maybe Rex Morgan, MD. can pop her in the head execution style and then go to death row. That would take out two worthless pieces of crap. Other pointless wastes of newsprint (which isn't saying much as newsprint is one process away from toilet paper at the mill) -
- SALLY FORTH - two smarmy liberals smugly trade sarcastic one liners. Wake me up when it gets funny.
- DENNIS THE MENACE - Oh, look! Dennis is doing something that annoys Mr. Wilson again! That little scamp. Should have been taken out of our misery 15 years ago.
- MUTTS - I don't even get this most of the time. I think they are deliberately leaving out one panel in each day's strip. When I do get it, it's shtupid.
- DOONSBURY - Never was funny. Still isn't. Another strip that thinks smug=funny.
- DILBERT - I guess idiots with no brains and pointless lives who work in corporate hives think this is funny. Because it's slightly more pointless than their lives are. "It's so true! That's exactly how my boss acts!"
- BLONDIE - Oh look! Dagwood ran out of the house and knocked down the mailman! Mr. Dither's is kicking Dagwood in the butt for no reason! I'll admit, I'd still like to "rewrite the Magna Carta" with Blondie, if you know what I mean.
- THE BORN LOSER - Isn't this just THE THORNAPPLES with more panels?
- THE FAMILY CIRCLE - The only way this is funny if you imagine the Dad goes of to work as the Grand Dragon of the Klan and the Mom isn't doing dishes but washing off anal love beads. Then it suddenly becomes funny.
- PEANUTS - okay. This is still pretty good. It's also running strips that were made 30-50 years ago. Hmmmm.
- FRED BASSET - It's English. About a wiener dog. Need I say more?
- ANDY CAPP - It's Irish. Need I say more? Uh oh. Andy's coming home drunk again. I bet his wife is going to lock him out. Yep! Wait a minute while I laugh hysterically.
- GARFIELD - I can't even talk about this without gagging bile.
- SPIDERMAN - Stop whining and practice making babies with your hot wife. The fact that you're not "polishing the hutch" (if you know what I mean) with her all day makes you a complete idiot.
- THE WIZARD OF ID - This made me laugh once. 30 years ago. Oh boy... someone said the king was short! Look out! Here comes the comedy!
- MARMADUKE - Big dogs are not funny, esp. when it looks like they were drawn by a 4 year old.
They're much funnier if you erase the words in the balloons and replace them with every swear word you can think of, one to a balloon, over the entire page. Try it. After the first 20 you'll have to start getting creative, unless you were in the Navy in Korea. It will make you laugh all day. Like the funnies are supposed to.
