Land of the free and the home of the bland.

Ned Frizbay's girl was up to the house a few weeks back. Selling the Girl Scout Cookies. Against my better judgement I bought a couple of boxes. I've always been wary of the Girl Scout Cookies mostly because people swarm to them like retarded hogs to a cesspool and anytime I see that kind of mindless consumerism, I run and hide.
But being that Ned's a good friend and his girl has always been polite and respectful, I bought myself two boxes. Ned's girl recommended the Thin Mints, saying they were very popular and pretty much everyone's favorite. I also bought some of the Little Brownies.
Well, my cookies came this week and I'm not impressed. First - the price. I paid $5 a box for these baked turds only to find out last week when I was over to Pickslee that the Girl Scout Cookies there only cost $3.50 a box ! $1.50 less five miles down the road?!? That's racketeering as far as I'm concerned.
Then there is the taste. I can't believe these are the most popular cookies since they taste like toothpaste on a wheat cracker. Are people stupid or are they just so blindly giving their money to the Girl Scouts that they don't care how crappy the cookies actually are? People, these cookies taste like total crap! Get your heinie down to the grocery store and pick up a box of the Keebler chocolate mint cookies and get a clue what these are supposed to taste like. And by the way, you get twice as many cookies for $2.99.
The Little Brownies were actually worse. They are sugar-free, which should have told me right off what to expect. Dry. Burnt chocolate taste. Dry. Gritty texture. Did I say dry? If I found out these were really dried goat turds, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. It should be illegal to sell these.
So America, open your damn eyes and taste the coffee! These cookies are the biggest racket I've seen in years . They may have been tasty somewhere in their history, but if you got cookies this awful from the grocery store, I guarantee you would take them back and shove them right up in the manager's face.
I hope Ned's girl doesn't come around next year. I'm really going to hate to put a work boot up that little pooper but if that's what needs to be done, I'm ready to do it.